looking at a roasted pig (the end)
Emily Owens M.D.
Emily: The thing about being an adult that no one tells you growing up is that you don’t feel like an adult. All your stupid insecurities and anxieties are still there, only you feel more stupid and insecure about being stupid and insecure because you’re not supposed be stupid and insecure anymore. You’re supposed have the answers. You’re supposed to know. But we don’t always know. And those answers? They’re not always easy to come by. Well you know what? I’m done feeling stupid and insecure about feeling stupid and insecure. The truth is, I think part of being an adult is that you stop waiting for yourself to change and you start to accept who you are.
here
y (7:15:19 PM):
Well it sounds like you’re broke, 100% dependent on somebody else, and have no real alternatives
Plus culture shock, I’m sure
I was reflecting on our disagreement over walking styles yesterday. I’ve realized that I tend to walk one pace behind with K. All the time. Even though she sucks at directions and stuff I always have her in front of me. I think it’s part of my super protectiveness of her and needing to know where she is. I know you find it a less-prefered walking arrangement and I think that’s because you think it’s rather submissive, letting you go ahead of me. I assure you that there is not one once of submissiveness in it when I walk with you that way. I think I just prefer to have people who are important to me in front of me. Also it’s easier to read where you intend to go and if I don’t know where I am it’s easier on me to let someone else decide and figure it out. But yesterday with the other guy there, I was in the front by a good couple strides most times and barely cared how well they were keeping up. I think both because I knew he was walking with her and because I was super excited. So yes, I can try to refrain from this walking arrangement with you but it is quite a strong habit now. But from protectiveness and object permanence, nothing else. 
nsa
Sometimes I worry that when I say things like “love you” all by itself in a message, he’ll think he has to hurry and respond back with the “love you too” as if I used it just to hear him say it. When I really just had a bubble up of overwhelming emotion and wanted to send him a piece of it, no strings attached.
As a side thing, K recognizes that mom’s reactions are because she my traveling “makes her feel abandoned”. Which made real again the idea that she is BPD despite her denying it and that I could act like that too.
My friend Joe says he wants women to discuss how they “don’t have to make an effort” regarding “sex, dating, sports, lifting things, buying drinks.” What should I say to him?
If at all possible, ignore him. If you can’t do that, challenge him. Whatever you do, don’t…
